Words are not just sounds; they are vibrations that shape our entire world. Believe it or not, the stories you tell yourself are ruling your life and these stories can either empower you or hold you back. The choice is completely up to you.
We all have those repetitive stories - the ones embedded in our minds from past experiences, conditioning, and the environments we grew up in. These narratives feel so true because they've been echoed in our minds for years.
But when was the last time you took a step back to observe those stories? Take a moment to reflect on which stories are true and which you should discard. Remember, you are the author of your life. Your story can always be edited.
Listen to Your Inner Dialogue
Often, our internal stories affirm our negative beliefs. Have you noticed how one negative thought can spiral into many more? Whatever we focus on, we move toward.
Start by noticing your inner dialogue. Observe the thoughts that pop into your mind and the words you say out loud. Are these thoughts serving you or holding you back?
Take note of patterns when you hear yourself being self-critical or when you use words that are self-limiting. By catching these moments, you can begin to rewrite them. For example, instead of saying, "I can't do this," shift your language to, "I'm learning and getting better at this."
It’s not about being fake or succumbing to toxic positivity. It’s about becoming aware of your inner dialogue and catching yourself when you set limiting boundaries for yourself. It’s about noticing your thoughts and recognising that they are just stories. Thoughts aren’t always the truth.
Re-frame Stories Through Affirmations
I use affirmations every day to reframe my thoughts, especially when I’m feeling more vulnerable. For me, I know that when I’m tired or sick or when my family is sick, the catastrophising goes downhill quite quickly, so using affirmations is a powerful way to bring my thoughts back into alignment. Here are some of my favourites:
I always have time for what’s important to me.
Everything is working out for me.
Life is happening for me, not to me.
There's always tomorrow.
Speaking out these affirmations helps foster a more positive internal dialogue and almost instantly changes the way I feel in my body. Again, it’s not about ignoring how you feel, it’s about choosing to re-frame the story in a more empowering way.
I’ve seen these principles at work in my own life and in the lives of those I coach. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, instead of saying, "I’m so busy," try saying "I'm managing my time well, and I’m in control.” This subtle shift in language can drastically alter how you feel and how you approach your day.
Be Kind to Yourself
As you go through this process, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s about making consistent, small adjustments. Observing your thoughts without judgment will create a more compassionate inner environment.
Every day is a new opport
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[00:00:19] Benita: Hello, and welcome back to the show. Today, we're going to be talking about stories. What are the stories that you're telling yourself? What are the stories that you hear yourself telling others? What are the stories that are going around in your mind? We're going to talk a little about the importance of language and also talk about affirmations and the power of those.
[00:00:42] And I'm going to share some of my favorite affirmations that I lean on on a day to day basis. Before we dive in, I just want to say thank you for being here. I know how precious your time and energy is, and it means a lot to me that you make the choice to tune into this show. So thank you very much. I know there's a, an enormous number of podcasts that you could possibly be tuning into.
[00:01:04] So thanks for being here. I'm grateful for it. Let's talk about stories. What's the story that you're telling yourself? Because believe it or not, the stories that you tell and retell yourself are ruling your life. It is really important that we become aware of the stories that are ruling our life. They feel true for us, we come to believe them because they've been repeated so many times.
[00:01:37] When was the last time you actually observed your stories and decided for yourself, what is true for you? Which of those stories are true right now? Which of them do you wish to keep? Which of them do you wish to get rid of and not have them play on repeat anymore? You are the author of your life and you always have the opportunity to edit the story.
[00:02:01] So, You could even use this episode as kind of like drawing a line in the sand, thinking about the old version of you up until this very moment in time. It's time for her to go with the old stories that she's been telling herself to go. And it's time for the new version of you from this moment on. with new stories that serve you better enter the room.
[00:02:25] The story we tell ourselves is a collection of past memories and facts that we continue to retell. This story often affirms our negative beliefs about ourselves, and the more we repeat it, the more we get stuck in it. So we need to become aware of what we're telling ourselves and others and start to find a new story to tell.
[00:02:47] Because whatever we focus on, we move towards. Wherever we place our attention is where energy flows. So we have this incredible opportunity, regardless of the limiting beliefs that we have, the beliefs we hold onto embedded within us from our, from our past, from our conditioning, from the environments we've been in, from the people we've been subjected to, now our responsibility.
[00:03:10] We have no control over what may have happened to us in the past and the programming that that we ended up with when we were too young to realize that we were being immersed in it, but we do have the power now and the responsibility now to change it if we choose to. I'm not saying it's always easy.
[00:03:32] I'm not saying it doesn't take some effort and some work and some awareness. But it's worth it because when we change the story first, once we were aware of it, once we change it, we can create better results in our world. The things you say to yourself about yourself, when you're by yourself really matters.
[00:03:52] And the first step, as I've already alluded to in this process is starting To listen carefully to yourself. Start to notice the things you're hearing in your inner voice, the things you're saying to yourself, the things you're saying out loud, and the things you're saying to others. start to notice your language, start to hear the dialogue and observe it and make note of it.
[00:04:17] What are you finding, um, that you hear yourself say a lot, or when do you hear yourself say something and think, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said that. Or that does not sound like me, but it's coming from your automatic, subconscious mind. And those are often little points where you can go, That's not true for me anymore.
[00:04:38] I'm going to rewrite that story. Start to listen more closely to yourself. pick yourself up on your language and you can even pick up on your friends, your language, your partners, your kids language, and start to support them as well because the stories that you're telling yourself are holding you back or empowering you depending on your choice.
[00:04:57] So of the examples I'm thinking of that I hear from women in my coaching programs and just in everyday life are things like. Life wasn't meant to be easy. I'm so busy. I'm not good at dot dot dot. I can't dot dot dot. I don't have time for. I don't have time for me. There's no time for this. Fill in the blanks.
[00:05:29] I can't keep up. I'm overwhelmed. I feel lost. I don't know enough. It's too hard. Now, I really wanna say right here and now that I'm not about toxic positivity. I'm all about feelings. Your feelings and acknowledging the full spectrum of feelings and emotions and that being part of our human experience.
[00:05:52] I'm not advocating here for ignoring, dismissing, avoiding, putting to the side any of your feelings. It's about actually just being really honest with yourself and observing and leaning into whatever it is that you're noticing. It's not about gaslighting yourself. And for example, saying, I'm overwhelmed, but then all of a sudden thinking, Oh, I'm not allowed to say that.
[00:06:16] I shouldn't be thinking that, or, oh gosh, I'm not as overwhelmed as that person over there probably is, or this is not about dismissing any of the stories that you're hearing going around in your mind or that you yourself say out loud quite often. It's about noticing and then thinking, okay, well, what do I do with that now?
[00:06:34] How can I use that as information to make a better choice about the things that I'm saying the things that I'm hearing myself say, because the more we tell ourselves something, retell it, the more we come to believe it, the more it comes to literally rule our life. It sounds dramatic, but it's actually true.
[00:06:58] We then are setting the boundaries of what we think we are capable of, what we think we can achieve, how we feel throughout our day, and ultimately the results we're getting in our day. So it's about starting to notice your thoughts because our thoughts are just stories. Our thoughts are not always truth.
[00:07:26] Our thoughts are just thoughts. They don't have to be true. But the stories that you're telling yourself over and over are thoughts that you have accepted and you've come to believe are true. So what are the thoughts that you notice? What are the patterns that you notice?
[00:07:46] Start to write them down. Start to be really mindful of the language, the tone, the times when you notice these patterns, like for example, I know in my world if I start to get stressed or tired. If I'm sick, or, you might've heard me say in a previous episode, if my family starts to get sick, I can notice that the story start to disintegrate very quickly.
[00:08:09] Like what is wrong with me? What is wrong with us? Why is this happening? We must be dot, dot, dot, you know, the catastrophizing goes downhill. I have a loved one in my life who is a classic case of this, and I've been working on this with him recently. He says to me, when one bad thing happens, One bad thing leads to another. So this can be one simple thing like, I made us late for school this morning. That can lead into. I'm dumb. I'm silly. you're always mad at me. uh, I might as well just stay home. I'm no good at this. My friends won't want to sit with me. I'm going to cry. It's going to be a bad day.
[00:08:53] And then tomorrow this, and then tomorrow. So one story can lead to like 10, 11, 12. It's like arrows being pointed in one direction and one arrow going, and then a whole bunch of other arrows got to getting along with it because like attracts like. So before you know it, he feels like rubbish, getting upset, curling into a ball, losing confidence and you might say, Oh, he's doing it for attention, but I know him well enough to know that.
[00:09:21] Um, I mean, yes, maybe, maybe there is some cry for attention. There's a need of his that's not being met there. Um, there's also other things going on as well. And, or for example, another one that's been going on in our house recently is, um, One of my children has been saying, I can't get to sleep, or I find it hard to get to sleep.
[00:09:41] And I keep saying to him, well, let's change that story. You know? Yes, you may be experiencing that today that you're having trouble getting to sleep, but tomorrow I want you to say, I used to have trouble getting to sleep. Now I get to sleep easily. I what? Or I had been falling asleep late, but now I fall asleep easily and effortlessly.
[00:10:05] And I explained to him that. You can change the story in the moment and how things feel to you is going to be dictated by those thoughts and those stories that you're telling yourself. So choose your words carefully because our words create worlds and the things that we say out loud to ourselves or others have a big impact.
[00:10:31] Even small things like when someone asks you, how are you? And you say. Oh, I'm busy. Just notice how that feels in your body when you say it. Or I know if I say, Oh, I'm, I'm anxious or I'm, or I'm overwhelmed or I'm having a crappy day or, and sometimes of course we, we, we are allowed to express how we feel and we're allowed to vent and we're allowed to let these things out.
[00:10:58] But I just want you to be aware of the difference if you're, if this is repeatedly happening because you, perhaps you aren't coping very well. But saying those things automatically has an impact on how you feel in your body, because how we think impacts on how we feel and how we feel impacts on the way we feel in our body.
[00:11:18] and ultimately the, the, the energy and the vibration that our body is in. So I know that even if I. I really am feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that's on my plate. If I start to actually say when people ask me, Oh, I'm doing great, or I'm having a great day, or I've had a full day, but it's been really good, or Again, it's not trying to force positivity.
[00:11:47] It actually changes how I feel when I change my language. The same as when you start to say, this is easy instead of this is hard. Again, there certainly are things in life that are hard and it's okay to express that things are hard. But if we are doing that all the time, when we say life is hard, it feels hard.
[00:12:11] If we can start to shape that differently, tell a different story that. Life is easy. Everything is okay. I'm doing great. I'm doing good. You know, today was a pretty good day. we can start to change how we feel and that when we change how we feel changes our energy, it changes how our children, the energy we radiate is the energy they pick up on and our loved ones or anyone else around us can feel it.
[00:12:37] We also have to notice, of course, how we're speaking to ourselves. And if we're doing it in a really kind way, we can be so hard on ourselves. And I bet those listening you would find that you speak to yourself more harshly than you do your best friend at times. So with this observation, be so gentle with yourself, be so kind and compassionate with yourself.
[00:13:01] We're all learning, we're all doing the best we can in the best way we know how, and we're all improving. So be gentle and kind to yourself do this without judgment. This is a really exciting opportunity to be a conscious creator in your days. Whether you know it, you are consciously creating your days.
[00:13:25] It's playing a more active role in this by noticing the thoughts and whether they're helpful or unhelpful, whether you wish to accept them or not. And the inner voice and the language that you're using and how that sets you up for how you feel. it's seriously like magic. Yes, it takes effort, but when you start to do this consciously, deliberately make new decisions on a day to day basis consistently, it's quite incredible how quickly you can start to see shifts and you can move towards better feeling thoughts, better feeling and better feeling conversations with others.
[00:14:13] So some of my favorite affirmations or things that I say to myself, uh, instead of saying, I don't have time, I like to say, that's not a priority right now, or I always have time for what's important to me. Another one is everything is working out for me. Sometimes it can feel like everything's going wrong and everything is hard, but I try to remember that everything is always working out for me, then there's good in everything.
[00:14:41] Life is happening for me. Not to me. Another one is there's always tomorrow. That's a good one. When I get to the evening and if I'm starting to feel fatigued and I know that when I get tired at that time of day, that is when the inner talk can get quite critical or I can start to beat up on myself. That is when I I know I need to go to bed and it's also when I need to start saying to myself, there's always tomorrow.
[00:15:07] That can wait. There's always tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. another affirmation is, I'm a great mother and So you could insert in there a good person or a great businesswoman or, whatever it is that you are wanting to encourage yourself around. Every day I'm getting better at, so for example, if you're honing a skill or you feel like anything where you attach I can't to it, start to change the story to I'm getting better at this, whatever the thing might be.
[00:15:42] Another one is if I'm trying, I'm succeeding. That's when I tell myself when I feel like what I'm doing is not good enough. If I'm trying, I'm succeeding, or if I'm trying, that is enough. And I'm doing the best in the best way that I know how. That's another one that I soothe myself with, my inner talk, if it's being harsh.
[00:16:03] And do you know the way you can tell when your thoughts are not being kind to you? Notice how you feel. Your feelings will always be an indicator of where your thoughts are at. Or where your thoughts have been at. So if you're noticing your feelings, trace it back. And that'll start to give you a sense of where are my thoughts at?
[00:16:23] Where am I? What are the stories I'm telling myself? What's going on here? Again, gentle compassion, observing. Make a new decision, change the story. I'm going to put some links in the show notes for you to download a couple of freebies from me, with a list of affirmations that might be helpful for you, um, and a couple of affirmation printables that I have on my website.
[00:16:45] I hope you enjoy them. I hope this has been useful, and I would love to know what your News stories are because our news stories ultimately shape how we feel about ourselves, the picture we hold in our minds about ourselves, and in this big story of life, the movie of your life, what it is that you will go out and create.
[00:17:06] So be conscious, choose carefully and be kind to yourself. Lots of love.
