Letting Go: Tips to Release What Holds You Back

Sometimes, we prefer to stay in our suffering.

The pain we’re familiar with can be a lot less scary than the unknown - which potentially comes with rejection, failure or even success (yes, that can be scary too!)

This could be relationships, habits, friendships, old beliefs… and sometimes they’re paralysing to let go of, even when we know in our hearts that we should.

So how do we find the courage to release what holds us back? Today, I’m sharing with you five different tips that I came up with that will support you in the letting go journey and making changes you need to get into alignment with your true self.

I’ll take you through how to:

1. Use Past Evidence
2. Follow Your Feelings and Intuition
3. Get Clear on Your Desires
4. Be Courageous
5. Find Power in Letting Go

Letting go is rarely instant. It’s a gradual process that might require revisiting over and over, especially with significant changes like ending a long-term relationship or changing careers. However, equipped with the right mindset and these tips, you can navigate through the process of letting go with grace and self-assurance.

I understand that there's a big spectrum of things that you might be letting go of, but remember: trusting yourself and your inner knowing, even when it’s outside your comfort zone, will only lead to healing and growth. 

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Transcript

 [00:00:00] 

Benita: Hello, gorgeous lady. Thank you for tuning in again to another episode of me plus motherhood. We talk about a lot of things on this show relating to motherhood and the transition from being a woman to being a woman and a mother. And my greatest wish that underpins all of it is that you will understand who you really are and embrace more of your gifts.

I think that is my greatest desire across all of the different things I do in my work. And today's topic around letting go, I think is a part of that process. Learning to let go, learning when to let go, learning how to let go. And it applies to all of us in [00:01:00] various ways, at various stages of our life. And when I'm deciding what to talk about on this podcast, I'm heavily influenced by themes that are coming up for me in my life or the lives of my clients, or perhaps a conversation I've had during the week in which I record it, or things that have just been coming through for me.

as a result, I don't plan my episodes too far in advance, though I do have a list that I choose from, but I'd like to kind of speak from whatever is channeling through me at the time, and this theme of letting go has been coming up. So when I talk about letting go. I'm speaking about relationships, expectations, beliefs, situations, jobs, anything that we might be holding onto that is no longer serving us.

And this is a bit of a tricky topic, right? Like we all know it's not, a simple or easy thing to let [00:02:00] go. it can be fraught with pain and a lot of fears. What I want to share today is Some things that I've learned about letting go and some tips for you to use in the process of letting go of anything that no longer serves you or supports you in your world.

This has been coming up for me a little bit in relation to my mothering. I had a beautiful conversation with my auntie actually last week. We sat up one night, I was staying with her for the night and we sat up and had, we had a talk about things that were going on in my world and I was sharing with her.

some of my recent mothering experiences and the mental load of remembering all the things for four children all the time and how I'm continually on this journey to have better systems in our home so that I'm not needing to remember everything for everyone. But yet, even though I have those systems, I continue to.

[00:03:00] Think about the things that, so that the kids don't forget or that we don't miss things. So I'm talking about things like library books or the little folder that someone might need to take for their music lessons that day, or the things they need for the project or the thing they're creating at school, or even the household jobs.

You know, everyone in our house has allocated certain jobs and, they know that's the expectation and it's all clearly communicated. Yeah. But I find myself still, even though that is in place, still carrying those things in my mind and reminding them and asking them, like, have you done that? Are you going to do that?

Have you got that done yet? Et cetera. And my very wise auntie, who was an educational educator for many, many years and worked with children for many, many years, she's only recently retired, she said to me, you need to let that go. Like, if you've got those systems in place, you need to lean on the system and you need to trust [00:04:00] your children to do their part.

And you also have to learn to be okay if they don't do it. Because that is the only way they will learn. And I was like, I know, but it's so hard. And I recognized that a lot of it actually is my own stuff. It is my good girl tendencies or my people pleasing tendencies, or me going back to my school days.

Cause she said, what, what are you worried about? And I said, I'm worried about how they're going to feel when they arrive at school and they don't have their library book or that they didn't bring the right thing for this thing they're doing at school, or they forget their lunchbox and they go hungry or all these different things.

And some of you listening might be like, Oh, well that'll be right. And that's the place I want to get to, but I've recognized that I'm not there yet. And as a result, I'm creating so much of a mental load for myself and extra anxiety and extra worry and extra and causing [00:05:00] that in our home as well. Not only am I hanging onto it, I'm, my energy is exuding it and they're picking up on it And I have to really be brave and learn to just let go of.

Carrying that for them. My role is to put the systems in place and to clearly communicate and take the steps and teach and guide, but not to be responsible for every little thing, because I can feel in my body that the older they're getting and the more Things we're doing outside of the home and the more things that they're involved in the list just gets so big that I can't possibly remember every little thing for every one of them as well as every little thing I need to remember for in my life, across work and businesses and my personal life and now like life and family admin, it is just, it is just too much.

So that was where this letting go theme first came from. And then this morning I had a conversation with a client [00:06:00] about the situation she's in, in relation to business and how she has spent many years becoming very stressed, frustrated, angry, anxious about some situations that she's not happy with and wanting to have some answers from, and ultimately they are out of her control and we were speaking about how she has needed to learn to let go that no matter how much she fusses and fumes and worries, she's That things are not going to really change.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't have, wants or needs or express ourselves. That that's not what I mean. It's understanding what is and isn't in our control. And at what point holding on to things that don't serve us, whether that's, anxiety, whether that's unhealthy boundaries, unhealthy expectations, or, you know, [00:07:00] Whatever it is where it's actually just.

gone beyond the point of being helpful, knowing when to let go. So as I'm talking, you'll probably be thinking about things in your life that you'd like to let go of, or that you want to let go of, or maybe you'll get some ideas of things you want to let go of. Let's talk about why we're afraid to let go.

another thing I'm thinking of as I'm talking is, and I recorded, an episode on this, Not that long ago, which you'll find in the list of episodes around giving up alcohol. And it was no longer serving me, but it took me years to let it go. And there've been other situations in my life where I've held onto a certain relationship or situation.

for far longer than I should have because I was so afraid. you will all think of situations in your own life where this is the case. Maybe [00:08:00] they're only, there might be just small habits. They might be minor sort of expectations, or maybe they are major life decisions. We are afraid to let go because even when it's painful, it's familiar.

We can sometimes like to stay in suffering because the pain of what is known feels less than the pain of what could be unknown, or the situation that is unknown, the fear of the unknown comes, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, which is interesting. We can be so fixated on all of the things that can go wrong and all of the things and the worst case scenarios.

That it can be paralyzing to us to let go, even when we know in our hearts that we should. We can always predict what we're giving up, but we can't predict what we're going to gain.

So [00:09:00] we stay where we are, because even though it's painful, or even though we're suffering, or even though we're getting this inner guidance and these little nudges, that this is no longer for me, this is no longer serving me, it's time to make a change. We stay where we are because it's more, comfortable, it's familiar, it's known, we know how to deal with it, even though we may be making us feel sick, even though it might be unhealthy, even though it might be toxic, even though we may have outgrown it, even though it's no longer serving us whatsoever.

So, letting go is a process. And, It isn't instant in my experience, we can decide to let go of something and we may need to actually let it go over and over and over again, depending on the, the depth and the, the pain associated with letting go maybe. And I'm speaking about things maybe [00:10:00] like a relationship or something that has had a significant impact on our life that compared to say.

a habit that we started last week that we now decide we want to let go of. Obviously the impact of those things is, there's a very big difference and therefore the letting go process is going to be very different. so I'm going to share with you five different tips that I came up with around letting go, that can support you in the letting go journey and the moving on and cutting away the things that no longer serve you, making changes that are more in line.

With the new self that you want to create. So firstly, I will say is using evidence in your life from the past. So when you look back and take note of things that you have let go of in the past, maybe they are even expectations, old beliefs, Friendships, old [00:11:00] habits, situations that you've moved away from, that you've let go of.

Think back and think about how things have worked out, even though it was scary at the time. When I look back, I can't even think of a situation where I now look back and go, gee, I regret letting that go. It has always turned out to be better than I expected. And even though I didn't know what the outcome was going to be, I.

have grown from it, or it has led me to something else that's even better. The second one is to follow your feelings and your intuition and trust the process and trust that everything is working out for you. This is a belief that I live with in my life, and I might have mentioned it on other episodes, this belief that everything is working out for me.

If you know in your heart or in your gut or in your mind, that it's time to let go, then you are doing yourself a disservice [00:12:00] by not following that. And I'm fully aware of the courage that it can take to make a change or let go of something when you're not sure what's going to be on the other side of that.

But your feelings are always your best guide. And so is your intuition. They're nudges from the universe or God, or however you choose to perceive source. Those little nudges, Are pushing you and gently guiding you in the direction you should go. So trusting in that is part of letting go. The third one is to get clear on what you want.

When we can start to really imagine, really feel into what it is that we want. On the other side of letting go, it diminishes the extent of the fear or the. Um, the bigness of it in my experience, when I can get really clear on what it is I want and I need and the picture of that, how it looks, how it [00:13:00] feels, even though I don't know all the steps to get there or the how, if I can really feel into it and get excited and feel the emotions of what it is I want and I need and allow myself to actually go there, then It seems to detract or not detract, that's not the word, but the, as I said, the bigness of it is just lessened a little bit because it's like, I know this, I know within my mind body that that is where I want to go and that it's going to be right for me when I get there.

Number four is to be courageous. Oh, courageous, be courageous, have courage. One of my favorite quotes in life by Joseph Campbell is, The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. I've relied on this quote to get me through a lot of situations in life. The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

So the thing that is often scaring you the most is often the direction you need to [00:14:00] head. What is it that you need to face front on? And number five is,

 There's an Eckhart Tolle quote, sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than hanging on. And sometimes what we're hanging on to is doing more damage to us than what's ahead of us. and that the only way forward is to let go.

I hope that these tips are helpful for you. And again, I understand that there's a big spectrum of things that you might be letting go of, but trusting yourself, trusting your inner knowing, have faith and have courage that everything is always for you, even when it might be painful, even when it might not be easy, even when it's outside your comfort zone and requires growth.

We ultimately know what is best for us and we have it within us. It just requires taking a step into the unknown. Let me know, send me a [00:15:00] message, send me an email, let me know what you're letting go of at the moment. and how that's serving you. Send me a DM on Instagram at Bonita bench. I'm always interested to hear from you and to know my listeners, what you're going through, what's been helpful, or what might be helpful in another episode.

And I'm so grateful that you tuned in all the very best and talk to you in a fortnight. Bye bye.