Your Level Of Uncomfortable Matters

Moving away from the familiar is generally very uncomfortable. 

As someone who has experienced a lifetime of perfectionism and people pleasing, I know just how hard it is to let go of control and branch out into something beyond my comfort zone. 

But what if discomfort is actually the best thing for us?

At the time of recording this, I found myself reflecting on the story of Australian man Nedd Brockmann, who embarked on what he called 'Nedd's Uncomfortable Challenge' and completed it. He ran an astounding 1,000 miles around Sydney Olympic Park, aiming to set a new record in 10 days.

Although he completed it in 12 days, his determination and the $3 million + raised for charity speak volumes about the strength that comes with embracing discomfort. Witnessing this has made me ponder: how could someone put themselves through such pain and so many injuries when they didn’t have to? What's required to have that level of mental and physical toughness, and what was his why?

It got me wondering about my own life and the ways in which I push myself (or fail) to get uncomfortable. And what it means to navigate our own discomforts, particularly as mothers?

Today, we're exploring:

- Bridging Discomfort and Motherhood
- Understanding Our Discomforts
- My Uncomfortable: Embracing a Slower Pace
- Subtle Shifts and the Power of No
- Crafting Our Unique Journeys

Here’s the lesson I hope to impart: your uncomfortableness, however it manifests, is just as valid and transformative as running a thousand miles. It's unique to you. Whether it's scaling unprecedented heights or simply learning to be gentler on ourselves as parents, it’s crucial to embrace our journey authentically and with compassion.

And perhaps, in doing so, we’ll find our own version of Nedd’s courage—a courage to face and champion our personal challenges with everything we’ve got.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

Transcript

Benita: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Me Plus Motherhood. I'm your host, Benita, and as always, I'm so grateful you're joining me. This episode is all about the topic of getting uncomfortable. It's my hope that the topics that I speak about are relatable and we have interesting conversations on this podcast that help you in your motherhood journey and also in your personal development.

So the reason I'm recording around this topic is because earlier this week, and you have probably heard about this, an Australian man, Ned Brockman completed his, what he called his uncomfortable challenge, [00:01:00] which was to run 1000 miles and raise 10 million for his chosen charity, which is called We Are Mobilize, which is an outreach program for people who are homeless.

I was watching with interest. Ned came onto my radar two years ago when he ran from Western Australia to Bondi which is about 4, 000 kilometers or 2, 485 miles. in 46 days. So you know, I'd heard of him and then I heard about his uncomfortable challenge, which was to run 1, 000 miles around Sydney Olympic Park.

He was aiming to set a record to do that in 10 days and ended up, he didn't quite make the record, but he did do it in 12 days, 13 hours and 45 seconds, and that equated to Because I didn't know how many, how many kilometers was 1, 000 miles. It's 1, 000. He ended up running 1, [00:02:00] 609. 34 kilometers, which equates to about 128 kilometers of running per day for those 12 days, 12 and a bit days and 301 hours and 16 minutes of running.

Now you might be thinking, how does this relate to motherhood? because it's really got me thinking. Firstly, Just, oh my gosh, how could someone put themselves through such pain, severe injuries, torture, essentially, over a period of time when he didn't have to, what's required to have that level of mental and physical toughness, and Why?

Obviously his why was very strong. And I just really think a lot about these sorts of things of how, you know, could I do that? [00:03:00] What would I do something like that? And have also been just coincidentally watching a lot of movies recently, like Diana Nyad's swim from Cuba to Florida, who I think it's 180 kilometer swim.

which she attempted five times and on her fifth attempt was successful in completing that swim. And that was a really inspiring movie, Nyad. and then I watched the documentary called The Other Shore. And just randomly have seemed to have been watching documentaries recently. That is just so inspiring.

So Ned's Uncomfortable Challenge this week. got me thinking about how do I get uncomfortable? What does uncomfortableness mean for me? And I, want you to reflect on the same questions. How does that relate in the context of motherhood as well? And me as a person and my personal growth and how I push myself beyond my comfort [00:04:00] zone.

So whilst I found Ned's challenge to be just completely awe inspiring and It's just unbelievable. And he also raised 3 million for this charity, which, wow. and he got some big corporate sponsors in the end to get behind him, which he's just totally won the hearts of the nation. And I take my hat off to him because I think it's extraordinary.

In my moments of fatigue and when the inner critic is at its loudest, usually when I'm tired, late at night, or if I've been on social media, that little not enough voiced starts to get Negative starts to speak its little mind and starts to raise questions like you're not doing enough, like unless you're doing some crazy, amazing thing for charity and doing something as amazing as what's Ned's done, [00:05:00] you are not enough.

Now, obviously that's not what the voice is saying. Exactly. That is the belief that sits behind the little voice. Which is pretty ridiculous, right? Like, and pretty harsh, but that's how it can feel. You see these things on social media and I feel like now we have greater access to the news of the world and people I feel are increasingly doing these amazing feats.

Perhaps there's not more, perhaps it's just that we're more aware of it. It means for me that I'm seeing it more often and comparison jumps in at times and says. Wow, those people are doing amazing things. Like, what are you doing? What amazing thing are you doing? Because it's certainly not as cool as what these people are doing.

And then I have to rationalize that within myself or reason with that. And I get off social media and I feel a bit, you know, down or deflated or once comparison sets in and judgment. It does not [00:06:00] feel good. So then we have to get to work ourselves to really think about our mindset, really look into that and explore what sits beneath that.

Like what beliefs am I holding onto that are driving those thoughts and feelings? And the good old one for me is the not enoughness. So I had a bit of a about this and thought. Do you know what? At the moment, I feel really uncomfortable. I'm not damaging my shins and running till my feet are swollen, but I'm encountering some other things in life that feel really uncomfortable.

And I need to probably give myself credit for those things. Sure, it doesn't feel like a world record, a breaking attempt at anything. And at the moment, I don't feel like I'm in a position to be doing something like that. But it made me think about our own individual world. levels, [00:07:00] tolerances for discomfort and what that can look like for each of us and it being enough.

Because when we step into discomfort, we step into growth because growth occurs on the outside of our comfort zone. So if we are getting uncomfortable, we are growing. I had a business coach tell me this back in 2020, 12, uh, when I was considering. Transitioning my business from being a marketing consultancy to learning to be a coach and to, becoming a, um, a coaching business.

And it felt really uncomfortable. And he said, get comfortable being uncomfortable. And that has stuck with me. And when I studied with Karen Brook, my coach and mentor from several years ago, that was very much the theme of the work I did with her as well.

And what I've learned is that that feeling of conflict and discomfort is part of the [00:08:00] psychological process of growth. We cannot be growing feeling comfortable and staying the same. So what I want to say about this is that is that your discomfort and getting uncomfortable, whatever that looks like for you is enough.

And I wanted to just share a little bit about for me, what my uncomfortableness looks and feels like at the moment, because it's very different from pushing myself. In fact, it's opposite of that. It's slowing down, which feels deeply uncomfortable because I've had a lifetime of perfectionism and people pleasing and trying to prove myself.

That has meant that achieving, striving, doing more, being better has been my comfort zone. That has been my natural state. Living in a frantic way has always been my natural state. I've loved the thrill of [00:09:00] achieving and doing the next thing and going for this and going for that and, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious because I still am ambitious.

But what I'm wanting to do in this season is to re pattern my nervous system because I think for too long I have put too much pressure on it. And about 12 months ago, I had a kind of an epiphany. that for a while I didn't know if it was really an epiphany and I was just testing it like kept referring back to it thinking is this just a fleeting thought or is this a real thing that's happening to me and I don't even know exactly when it happened or it just came to me essentially about November last year where I just started feeling like I've had enough of running so fast I've had enough My nervous system has had enough and it is time to try a different way.

[00:10:00] So for a while, I didn't really change much. I didn't really do anything. I just kind of took a bit of a break over Christmas and started the new year afresh and started doing all the things, running my coaching programs, you know, mothering, Still with our farm business, all the roles and all the hats.

but as the year went on, the feeling stayed and I had a couple of other things that happened, which, or realizations, I think that kind of also contributed to this. We went on a trip up to the Carnarvon Gorge in the July school holidays. And I was. We had the most amazing five days there, um, not at the gorge itself, but staying nearby, having some, you know, nature walks and lots of outdoor experiences with the family.

And it was another reminder of, oh, this feels so good. to slow down, to be out in nature more, to be doing less. And it was reiterated again at the Breath and Breakthrough Retreat I [00:11:00] went to at the end of July, where I had a very much a kind of voice come through, inner guidance come through of no more stress.

And then later that week went to a workshop, where Alan Parker was speaking and he was talking about how cortisol basically is killing us. And I would say I've been addicted to cortisol you know, looking for the next dopamine hit and living at that fast pace and just that being normal.

I then went on my retreat. in August where I was hosting it as a coach and as a facilitator and basically the same message again. I've had enough of this franticness. So I have actually made some new decisions about taking things slower, saying no, putting more boundaries in place, doing less. And it's so uncomfortable and there is comparison and there is the negative voice coming up all the time.[00:12:00] 

You should be doing this. You should be doing that. I'll look at those people. Look at what they're doing. why aren't you doing that? You know, you, you should be doing more, all of those things. And what that looks like in a, in an actual real life sense is not applying for things like grants or the next thing in my business that I could be doing or the next award or the next program, the next training.

I'm committed until the end of the year to not start anything new. So I've been stopping myself and I've actually got a list on my phone of things I'm wanted to start, but have stopped myself. So new apps, new coaching programs, new training courses, new, health kicks, just nothing like do not start another thing.

You need to finish some things. Now, this is also part of, for me earlier in the year, I'm not formally diagnosed with ADHD. I haven't been through the full process with a psychiatrist, [00:13:00] but I did work closely with a psychologist for several months and to do a screening and assessment. And the outcome was that I have very strong indicators of ADHD co occurring with anxiety.

And when I found that out, it was like, The penny drop moment, like, Oh my gosh, this makes so much sense. And one of the things for me about ADHD is impulsivity. So wanting to like seeing something and be like, Oh my gosh, I want to start that. I'm going to do that. So not starting things is a big deal for me.

because I love starting new things. It's just like such a rush also not launching things. So you may have noticed if you've been following, if you follow me on social media, my business that I have, I have really slowed down and quiet and things down. I haven't been launching anything new. I haven't been offering anything new, which has also been a challenge because that's, you know, been my natural state for a few years now.

Also creating space, making new decisions. in the way I operate life, my calendar, decisions [00:14:00] with my work. And I'm recording this in middle of October. We are also going to be moving in early December to, a whole new area and a whole new place. And that is feeling really crunchy right now.

So moving away from the familiar is very uncomfortable. So I feel like I'm at my capacity with all of that on my plate right now in terms of the move coming up, changes that are occurring, big life decisions, managing my emotions, holding space for my children. and all of the admin and logistical side of changing locations, moving, changing schools, changes in our business, all of those things.

so whenever I see someone doing something new or see Ned Brockman running this thousand miles or watch another inspiring documentary, I have to really be careful about the self talk that comes up to go, wow, that's [00:15:00] inspiring. What can I learn from that? What legacy do I want to leave? How might this look for me?

But do it with so much compassion because otherwise it turns into a comparison fest like, oh my god, like, these people are amazing and I'm just being a mum and I'm just being a this or that which is so cruel towards ourselves and it's actually not true. Because I actually, to be honest, most days of mothering in my house feel very uncomfortable, you know, in terms of the journey of learning and self development and, and all of the, growth that occurs daily in, in trying to be the mother I want to be and the person I want to be.

So I suppose in, concluding, I just want you to know that you are enough. What you do is enough. And, Your uncomfortableness is enough. However, that might look for you. I went for a walk with a friend this morning and she was telling me how she is [00:16:00] starting to train for triathlons, which she's never done.

And she was telling me how that's just also new and scary. And I was sharing some of her with her, some of my goals for the next couple of years and how uncomfortable that feels. So I think our uncomfortableness. is unique to us. And obviously I'm an advocate for stepping outside your comfort zone and continuing to grow and develop, but that it's okay to choose how that feels at different times as well.

Sometimes we have more capacity to handle big uncomfortableness or big changes. And other times our window of tolerance is already stretched enough. And if you're anything like me, who is someone who has lived beyond your window of tolerance probably for most of your life and probably lived in chronic stress and on the verge of burnout or if not in burnout for most of your life.

then [00:17:00] actually slowing down is uncomfortable and a step to take as well in the other direction. Ned Brockman wrote a quote on Instagram that said, Courage is in setting yourself a goal that feels beyond your limits and pursuing it with everything you've got. I love that. And I think that's really true, but it's very individual and unique and we need to approach it with a lot of compassion.

So go well, mama bear, lots of love, and I will catch you on the next episode. As always, if you'd like to get in contact, just send me a DM through Instagram at Benita Bench is my handle on Facebook and Instagram. Or you can send me a message from my website, benitabench. com. Thanks for tuning in. Bye bye. [00:18:00]