Your Label, Your Role: In Or Out of Family Farming

In this episode I’m talking about a topic that I know many of my rural and regional listeners who are involved in farming businesses will resonate with. That said, I think there's a good message in here for everyone as we discuss the labels we put on ourselves and finding our place in the stage of life we’re in. 

In this conversation, I’ll explore taking a stand for what we want for our lives and making conscious choices that see it come to pass.

I encourage each of you to pause and reflect on the labels you assimilate. Whether it's "farmer", "farmer's wife", "stay-at-home mum", or any number of titles we've been given or have taken on ourselves, these labels shape perceptions. They affect how we view ourselves, how others perceive us, and ultimately, how we show up in various facets of our lives.

You may find yourself in roles traditionally defined by others, but remember, you do have a choice. It’s entirely okay to express a desire to pivot away from roles that do not align with your interests or strengths.

In all this, the most crucial thing is to own your role or position. If you're content with being a "farmer's wife," embrace it. If you prefer to forge an identity beyond, say, "just a mum", then proudly step into what resonates with the essence of who you are. Be deliberate and conscious in how you define and represent yourself.

If the environment you are in doesn’t support your vision or make you feel valued, consider whether it is the right one for you.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and welcome you into my Facebook community for women navigating these very issues. Let's support each other in becoming the authors of our own stories, with love, compassion and a shared determination to live authentically.

Facebook Group: Support for Women in Family Farming: Succession & Other Challenges

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Transcript

 [00:00:00] 

Benita: Hey gorgeous, thanks for tuning in and joining me for another episode of Me Plus Motherhood. I'm your host Benita Bench and I'm so excited to be here with you again for another conversation. It's early December as this goes to air and some of you will be gearing up or already on the school holidays. I hope you are feeling well.

As we head into the festive period and the school holidays, my thoughts are with you, and I hope you have had some space to yourself to think about how you want this period to be and how you want to show up and check in with how you're feeling. how you're doing and what new [00:01:00] decisions you might need to make if you feel as though you're not doing so well.

This episode is probably a little bit more for my rural and regional listeners who are involved in farming businesses. And some of it will be specific to those women and those areas and to farming. but I think there's a good message in here for everyone regardless around labels and finding your place or being involved in what it is that you want to be involved in and making some conscious choices around that.

Sothe reason I'm bringing this up is because after working with women in farming businesses, family farming businesses, but I know it's not only family farming businesses that where this is a thing, through my work as a coach, through my involvement in [00:02:00] rural Australia and agriculture for many, many years, and also through a Facebook group that I started a few months ago or many months ago, maybe I can't remember when I started it.

it's called support for women in family farming businesses, succession and other challenges. And as women come into this group, they answer a question about what their major challenge is. And there's lots of common themes. One of those is that these women can feel like they are invisible in the business.

They might feel like they're not valuable. They might feel like they don't really know what their part is, or they're not being included, or they're not involved. Now, these women may be the daughter. In the family farming business, they might be the daughter in law, they might be the mother or the mother in law, so the role they play in the [00:03:00] family unit can be a whole lot of different roles. Some of these women thrive. And others don't. And there's really only one major message that I want to give on this podcast episode. And that is to be mindful and conscious of the labels that you use and to take the time to understand who you really are and to embrace your gifts because we really only have one shot at life.

And I see women doing things in family farming businesses that they don't want to do because they feel scared to speak up or they haven't really been properly consulted about what they might like to do in the business. if at all, they may not even want to be involved in the business, but they feel like they should be or have to be.

And it makes me sad and a [00:04:00] bit angry. And I have to be careful I don't get too passionate on this episode. I also think this extends to the labels we use. And whether we call ourselves a farmer, a farmer's wife, um, maybe we call ourselves a stay at home mum, a working mum. we might say things like, Oh, I'm just a mum, or I'm just a on the farm, or I'm just this, or I'm just that.

And this can, this can apply outside of agriculture and rural Australia as well. Obviously, rural Australia, For women anywhere, the labels and the way we speak to about ourselves, how we refer to ourselves. My message is to be really deliberate and really think about this because It impacts how we see ourselves, the energy that we give off [00:05:00] to other people, how we feel about ourselves, whenever we speak those words, the feelings that come up for us, the vibration that our body is in, the way people will respond to that.

and to come up with a way that we refer to ourselves that we can own and feel proud of and be confident with. I get a bit funny about labels to begin with. I just feel like labels are just bullshit really, but I don't yet know a better way for us to describe what it is that we do.

And when we get the forms that we have to fill out, asking what our occupation is, I've been filling out a lot of these forms recently as we enroll in new things and move to a new area. And as we're getting ready to move to a new area and we're applying for things and I'm describing what it is that I do.

And I feel like in this society, we're always having to prove what we [00:06:00] do and what does that mean? How is that seen? And I don't like it, but I don't yet know how we get around it. So if we have to exist in this society and we do have to give ourselves titles and labels, let's be really conscious and mindful of what they are.

And let's, choose ones that feel good. So in working with women who are trying to find their place in or outside of the farming business and grappling with what to call themselves, self, particularly in the transition of motherhood, as we are evolving from the way that we were involved in the farming business to maybe a new way of being.

I, I certainly experienced this as a woman who was always very physical from a farming sense, as in helping with cattle work, helping with [00:07:00] mustering, driving the chaser bin, being outside, doing lots of things to then having babies on a farm. Not literally on the farm, in the hospital, but living on a farm and not being able to be as hands on, I found so bloody hard.

I really struggled with it. I hated that I couldn't just jump on a motorbike and go and check the cows. Like I always had for any new calves or go and check the steers on the oats and check for any problems or check fences or be involved in cattle work and like be an integral part of it. And to then hardly be able to leave the house and how difficult that really was and dealt with a lot of feeling thoughts and feelings around feeling hopeless and useless and not involved and invisible and no longer valuable and Oh gosh, I've gone through really 10 years of an evolution in that regard of how I'm [00:08:00] involved in the farming business from being hands on to now at this point, Being more involved from a management and strategic level.

And struggling immensely initially with not being able to be hands on to actually down the track thinking, well, I actually don't really want to be hands on anymore because I'd like to spend my time doing some other things, but I keep involved in the business in a, from a management and strategic perspective and still from a financial administration perspective as well.

Although we do outsource the bookkeeping, I still oversee and. Do a lot of the financial stuff, by choice. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is we have the power to choose. It does mean having to advocate and having the courage to speak our truth. And it can be a process to work out what role we do want to play in the farming business, if at all, [00:09:00] or if we choose to not be part of the farming business.

Finding your place on the organizational chart, I suppose. And that might, you might be on the organizational chart or you might be off it. Actually going through the processes to determine that and being brave if the role that you are expected to do. Or someone is asking of you. that if you don't want to do it, then that is okay.

And that it's okay to say no. And it's okay to say, for example, I see lots of daughter in laws given the books, the bookkeeping when they move to the farm. and I also get that that can be a way of having the foot in the door, feeling like you're a part of it. and you actually might love that.

And that is awesome. Again, owning what it is that you want but. If you don't want to do it, you [00:10:00] don't have to. You can say no, you can choose not to. I get it that it might not be easy to do that and that it might rock the boat and that it might not be how things have been done in the past. But can say no.

On the flip side, if you you come into a farming business and you want to do it and you want to learn the skills and you want to be a part of it, whether that's in the paddock, whether that's in the office, whether that's in the kitchen, whether that's playing an integral making sure everyone is fed and looked after and taken care of.

And I know lots of women who love doing that. I think that's beautiful. So I think whatever it is that you want to do, do it well, do it with love, do it with passion. Do it because you want to, whatever that role is, hands on or not hands on. Value yourself, value what you bring and every role [00:11:00] does have value.

From cleaning out the troughs. To driving the tractor, to making the lunches, to keeping the clothes washed, to being the CEO, doing the bookkeeping, whatever role it is, it is important, it is valuable, but do it by choice. I also want to say, sometimes there's stuff we have to do because we have to, like washing clothes, but actually still do have a choice.

We can choose. to take the washing somewhere else or have or bring someone in to do it. I know it's not always easy. it's not impossible. I know sometimes it's less possible. we can ask the local cafe to make the sandwiches. if we want to, maybe it's hard, maybe it's not practical.

I get all that, but we do actually have a choice sometimes. And we can make it happen if we choose to, some of this is tricky to navigate, really tricky to navigate. And there's no wonder that I have women in my [00:12:00] support group who need support around this because I've needed support around this. It took me years and years to work out that doing the bookkeeping, yes, I could do it.

I was actually quite good at it. I can do that. it's not how I want to spend my time though. And the people around me didn't really agree with it. You know, why would we pay a bookkeeper when you can do it? I said, because I think they can do it better than me and then with less stress and they've got better systems.

And I don't want to do it. I want to do my coaching work. I want to write a book. I want to focus on motherhood. I feel like my plate is too full. And. Once again, it's that advocating for our capacity, for what we can actually handle, and we all are different in what we can, what our window of tolerance is and what we can actually manage in a healthy and sustainable way.

And the hard thing I've learned is that I'm the only one who can speak up and say that I'm the only one who can say, this is too much for me. No [00:13:00] one else is going to do that. We have to be our own best advocate. We have to be courageous to speak our truth. So being mindful and conscious of what the label is that you give yourself.

Some women refer to themselves as farmer's wives and they own that and they love that. And I think that is awesome. I prefer not to say that. I preferred in the past, I've called myself a farmer because I felt like I don't want to just be referred to my husband's wife. but I know there's also a lot of pride and a lot of beauty in saying I'm a farmer's wife.

So each to their own, do what feels good for you, but do it with mindfulness and with consciousness. Be mindful and conscious of the label you give yourself, how you think of yourself and the connotations of the label. When you call yourself that thing, how does that feel in your body? Do you feel [00:14:00] pride?

Do you feel excitement? Do you feel confidence? Or do you feel diminished or less than when you say, Oh, I'm just a mom or I'm just a stay at home mom. How does that feel? Maybe you could choose something different. be mindful and conscious of embracing your strengths. Get to know what your strengths are.

What do you love to do? What are you good at? What skills do you have? Because you absolutely have them. And you may feel like that, or maybe you had a career before children that was different to where you are now, but you have transferable skills. And if the people around you can't see them or recognize them, maybe it's not the right environment for you.

Maybe it's okay to say, this actually isn't the best place for me to be working in this space. Maybe it's best that I can do my own thing. Again, I understand that there can be circumstances which are really tough, where the people around you don't agree. Or they can, there can almost be abuse or coerciveness that, well, [00:15:00] no, you need to do this thing.

I know it's sometimes not easy. But we have the ability to stand up for ourselves, to know ourselves well enough, in how we think, how we feel, what is going on in our bodies, what's feeling right and what's not feeling right, and what it is that we want to get out of our days and our life. So embrace your strengths, embrace what it is you're good at, what you love to do, embrace your own goals and whatever it is that you choose in terms of your label and your job title and your job description.

When you're happy with it, own it and love it. And if you don't love it and don't want to own it, then be brave to make a change. I feel really passionate about this topic and I feel really passionate about helping women in family farming businesses. Again, I said it might not just be family farming. It may be also in corporate farming or other arrangements to [00:16:00] find their place on the org chart.

And for some women, the best place on the, their best place for them, maybe sitting as an owner at the top of the org chart or as a director on the board, but not involved in the day to day of the farming business. And that is okay. it maybe might not be easy, but it is okay. So I want to encourage each of you to think about where you're at.

Is it where you want to be? And I invite you to reach out to me to work together in 2025. If you feel like this is an area you'd like to work on for you, if you're feeling like, I don't know, I've got no idea, or I know this is not feeling right, but I don't know what to do about it. Or you know, there's a little niggling or nagging feeling within you that you want to do something about, but you don't know how, or maybe you're just completely lacking in confidence of, well, I know this isn't where I want to be, but I don't really know how to go about it.

On the flip side, if you feel [00:17:00] excited about where you're at in the farming business or in the home, or if you know that in this season of life, that you don't want to have an active role in the farming business, and you're so content. Raising your family in your domestic duties, nurturing your family, or maybe doing some other things in the community or in other ventures, then that's amazing.

maybe your off farm business is where your passion is. So you do you. I think if we all just allow each other to do what we want to do more often and have the courage to pursue what is true for us, There'd be a lot more happy people.

I know this can be a confronting topic and I'm saying all of this with so much love and compassion and so much understanding and my absolute heartfelt desire for you to live in your truth, to own what it is that you want to own, to have the self courage to go after what you want and the role, to play want [00:18:00] to play.

Please let me know if you have any feedback. I would love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And if you'd like to join my Facebook group, it's a private group, but you can ask to join it. Search for the support for women in family farming. And, you have to answer the questions to be allowed into the group and I can allow you if you answer those questions.

Okay. Lots of love. Bye for now.